I really should have started this when I began seeing my psychiatrist. I could have had a daily record of how certain medications made me feel at certain dosages and in combination with other meds. But I'm here now, and I always think it's better late than never.
Anyway, I started seeing my psychiatrist in late September after 4 weeks of getting nowhere with my family doctor. I had been on Celexa with nothing to show for it except jaw clenching and insomnia that eventually turned into fatigue. The type of fatigue that even 12 hours of sleep can't quench. It was awful.
My psychiatrist doesn't take insurance. I put off seeing a specialist for a long time for that very reason. But by now I was desperate. I came to terms with the fact that I can't put a price tag on my well-being. So, I made my first $300 appointment to see her, and it was the best decision I've made on the road to getting better.
She started me on Zoloft and Klonopin. Immediately I noticed my anxiety levels come down to a point so close to normal that I haven't felt in a long time. Within a few weeks I was able to return to work after extending my maternity leave an extra 6 weeks. Driving anxiety has also lessened, I wouldn't say it's non-existent, but it's gotten easier. I even drove on 495! That's huge for me. Especially with all the new traffic patterns and areas without shoulders due to all the road construction.
So the most recent news about the medication is that it was making me really sleepy again, like the Celexa made me, but not as bad. She prescribed Wellbutrin to energize me without making me feel anxious. I felt like it worked for about a week and then I started feeling tired again. She suggested I take double my original dose for a few days and see how I felt. The extra dose made me more anxious and gave me a panic attack so bad I actually called 911. Super embarrassing. But at the time, all I could think of was if something happened to me, no one would be around to take care of the 4 month old that I was holding onto at that moment. I called for him, really.
Anyway, I met with my psychiatrist this past Monday and we discussed everything. She admits she has a difficult time managing my symptoms because I am so sensitive to medication. And the fact that I am still breastfeeding doesn't make it any easier, as she has to be sure that the medications are safe for babies as well. We came to the conclusion that I would again increase my Zoloft dose from 50 to 75mg. Stop taking Klonopin, as it may have been causing the extra sleepiness. She prescribed Ativan instead because it was supposed to be a weaker benzo, but she said if it wasn't keeping me calm enough, to go ahead and take the Klonopin again. Then she prescribed Wellbutrin 150 - the middle road between the 100 that worked at first and then stopped, and the 200 that caused my panic attack.
I have been on this regimen for 2 days now and so far I am feeling pretty good. I can't give a firm verdict on how the Wellbutrin is helping with the somnolence just yet because I had two beers with my husband yesterday and those pretty much knocked me out. So last night doesn't count. I'll see how I feel when I try to wake up tomorrow and decide how this cocktail is working for me then.
Overall though, I am not feeling the anxiety or panic physical symptoms which is a plus. And in all honesty, I would trade the anxiety for the tiredness any day. I just still have high hopes that I can be as close to normal as possible. I'm at least shooting for it.
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